Awkward
by DarkPoltergeist
Summary: AU - What if Darth Vadar survived at the end of ROTJ? What if Luke tried to assimilate him back into society? Having been a Sith Lord for so long could create some problems for everyone...


**Awkward-Episode One**

 **Dinner With Darth**

 _By Dark Poltergeist_

The corridor outside of Luke's apartment was quiet as Han and Leia approached his door. Leia scowled as she regarded Han who scowled right back at her, unhappy.

"I don't know why you volunteered us for this," she snipped.

"Hey, he's your brother. I thought you'd like to have dinner with him."

"Him maybe but not…"

"Yeah, I know." Han chuffed. "But what could I do? The kid looked pathetic when he asked me. I felt sorry for him."

"You should have said no." She gave him a cool gaze. "I know you can say it, you've told me no before."

"Not for anything important." He gave her a suggestive leer. "You know I like it much better when you say, "yes, Han, yes!"

She elbowed him in the ribs, but couldn't hide her smile from him.

"Well there's a few things you do…"

"Yes, Han, yes!" He whispered as he pulled her close, and gently nuzzled her ear.

"No." She tried to squirm away.

"Yes," he whispered and kissed her, their lips meeting in an affectionate kiss. They inadvertently leaned against the doorframe, causing the door to rattle, and were surprised when only moments later the door opened nearly sending them tumbling into the room.

"Han! Leia! You're here!" Luke sighed in relief and then frowned at their tight embrace. He cleared his throat and they somewhat reluctantly stepped away from each other to a more respectable distance. "I wasn't sure you were coming."

"Hey, I promised, didn't I?" Han gave his friend his patented smuggler grin, but Leia's smile was her practiced one.

Luke stared at her for just a moment and then gestured them in. "Please come in. We're waiting for you."

Han and Leia exchanged a grim look and followed Luke into his apartment. The table was set for four people, a simple white tablecloth adorned the table with silver settings in each place, and Darth Vadar standing on one side of it.

Without thought Han reached for the blaster he normally had strapped at his side, memories of Bespin flashing through his mind. Vadar stood silently for a moment and then began to chuckle, the sound causing both Han and Leia to shiver. "I assume this is a respectable dinner, one without weapons?"

Reluctantly Han relaxed his stance, realizing how silly he looked without a blaster in his hand. He swallowed and nodded at the Sith Lord as he rubbed his hands on his trousers. "So what do I call you? Sith Lord? Darth? Mr. Vadar?" Han just couldn't help pushing the envelope. "Dad?" he drawled with sarcasm.

"Dad? Dad?" Leia elbowed his ribs none too gently. Don't you ever do anything to remind me of my connections to him!"

"Oww. Stow it Princess!"

Darth watched them with interest as Luke held up his hands trying to calm down the fighting pair. "Han, Leia, please. Let's get off to a better start than this."

The couple glared at Luke, but like reluctant children finally nodded in agreement.

"Good, very good," Luke said in his most soothing voice, and gestured at the table. "Maybe we could sit?"

There was a long pause before everyone finally sat. Darth wrestled with his cape a bit before finding a position where it wouldn't annoy him.

"Why don't you just hang it up? I'm sure Luke can find a place for it, can't you, Luke?" Han jibed.

There was an uncomfortable silence as Darth stared at Han through his fathomless mask.

"It's okay, he's used to his cape," Luke said.

"Whatever!" Leia huffed and folded her arms in front of her, and stared at nothing in particular, suddenly acting very much the petulant child.

A long silence ensured.

"The appetizer will be ready in just a couple of minutes," Luke said helpfully.

Han and Leia seemed frozen in place, but Darth nodded his head in approval. "That will be acceptable, my son."

Luke beamed at Darth's acknowledgement.

"I'm gonna hurl," Leia said in a disdainful voice.

"Leia!" Luke whispered.

"No, it's all right. Perhaps the Princess still has issues with me?" Darth turned his attention to Leia.

"Issues? Really? Issues?" She uncrossed her arms and stood up, livid with anger.

"Get 'em, Tiger," Han muttered under his breath and she smacked him again.

"Oww! Stop that!" He groused.

"After everything you've done to us, all of us," she indicated Luke as well, "you think we don't have a few issues with you?"

Darth stared at the table in silence for a few moments before he looked over at Leia. "I was hoping that perhaps we could work past them."

"Are you friggin' kidding me?"

"Here it comes," Han muttered, knowing Leia was going to smack him again which she promptly did. He rubbed the sore spot on his chest.

"Work past them? Are you insane?" She was spitting mad, and Han just slouched down in his seat, knowing that he shouldn't interrupt his angry Princess.

Luke looked at him for help, and he shrugged. He wasn't about to stop Leia from the tirade she was about to embark on.

"You tortured me, blew up Alderaan, tortured Han and put him in carbon freeze. And you cut off Luke's arm! Work past our issues?" She stared at him in disbelief.

There was another long, awkward pause.

"So how are you and Solo doing?" Darth asked in a benign voice.

"None of your damned business. At least he's alive, no thanks to you!"

Luke once again threw pleading eyes on Han who continued to slouch in his seat, clearly not wanting to get in Leia's way when she was this worked up.

"Which brings up another topic." Darth turned his expression from an incensed Leia, ignoring her completely, to Han. "What are your intentions towards my daughter, Solo?"

"Sorry what?" Han blinked being drawn back into the conversation.

"My daughter. What are your intentions towards her?" There was only the hint of a mild threat in his voice.

"Leia?" Han blinked in confusion. He hadn't envisioned this topic coming up over the course of their dinner.

"Come now. I have no other daughter. You would be well advised to answer the question."

"Well, I…" Han started but was silenced by Leia's restraining hand on his sore chest.

"Don't answer him. He has no right to ask that question." Her eyes blazed in fury at the man in the black mask.

"I am your father. I have every right to ask that question."

"No. You. Do. Not."

Luke and Han could all but see the sparks flying out of Leia's eyes, and then Darth made a mistake and stood up, drawing himself up to his full height.

"Oh, no," Luke groaned, burying his head in his hand.

"Solo, what are your intentions?" Darth rumbled even though he continued to look at Leia.

"I said that you don't get to ask that," Leia said and with a twist of her hand, Darth started choking.

Darth mimicked the gesture and Leia started choking.

Han looked at Luke, both fascinated and appalled at what was happening. "Do something!"

Luke closed his eyes and concentrated and they both struggled against him. After a long moment they both gasped and allowed their hands to drop to their side before they looked at Luke.

"Sorry, but you both need to behave," he admonished.

"Yeah, that," Han agreed, pouring himself a second glass of wine knowing that it was going to be a long night no matter what. He offered more to Leia but with a look of annoyance she declined.

A bell went off in the kitchen and with a look that asked everyone to behave, Luke disappeared.

Han risked a cursory glance at Leia and could see that she had drawn her shields tightly around her. He snorted as he considered the chances of Darth Vadar being able to talk his Princess into answering anything that she didn't want to, and looked up to see the two of them regarding him.

"Hey, It's not fair that you can both do that!" He scowled at them.

"I can read your intentions, you know." He stared at Han. "I was just being polite."

"Oh, that's rich," Han's words poked at the man in the mask and he realized that Luke or not, Leia or not, he really hated that they were there with him. "You accusing me of things when you've attempted to kill off half of the galaxy just because they offended you."

"Solo," rumbled the voice of the former Sith Lord.

"No! I'm tired of your crap! You may have Luke wrapped around your finger, but not me, and not Leia."

Leia nodded her enthusiastic agreement.

"What Leia and I do on our time is between us. It has nothing to do with you."

The man and the machine regarded each other for a long moment.

"You have defiled her, haven't you?"

"Defiled? Hey, I did no such thing." Han was offended. He and Leia were in love, it had nothing to do with defilement but a lot to do with mutual love and need.

"I say you defiled her and I dare you to defy me!" He stood tall again trying to use his sense of intimidation.

Han pushed his chair back, not the least intimidated by the Dark Lord. He'd been wanting to take a shot at this blowhard for years.

Darth reached towards Han and gestured him into the wall behind him none too gently.

"You Kriffin' son of a bitch!" Han struggled to release himself from the unseen grasp. "I'm gonna kill you when I get out of this…"

Darth laughed and Leia flung her hand at him, choking him again.

"Let him go" she said in a menacing voice.

It was that moment that Luke emerged from the kitchen, plate in hand, and a smile on his face. "Appetizers," he announced in a happy voice before he took in the scene around him. "Oh, no," he groaned, seeing Han levitated up against the wall, and Darth and Leia choking each other.

"Luke, get me down! I'm not a kriffin Pinata!" Han shouted.

He concentrated for all he was worth and forced everyone to look at him. Against their will, three sets of eyes noticed his presence and ever so slowly everything returned to normal as Leia and Darth lowered their arms to their side and Han dropped to the ground with a distinctive thud and a set of Corellian curses.

"Did you ever think that maybe this wasn't your best idea?" Han growled, climbing to his feet.

"That's the understatement of the year," Leia snapped going over to Han. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I guess. Head hurts though." He was still dusting himself off as Leia reached into the hair at the back of his head and gasped as her hand came away wet, blood on her fingertips.

"Han!"

"What? It wasn't my fault." He glared at Darth.

"You should say you're sorry," Luke rebuked his father. "How are you ever going to acclimate to society again if you do things like this?"

Surprisingly, Darth hung his head.

"Father," Luke prodded.

"Yeah, Dad, apologize!" Han said, voice heavy with sarcasm.

There was a slight rumbling of the silverware on the table and Leia strategically placed herself in front of Han.

"Leia! I can take care of myself."

"Not in a room full of force users."

"Yeah, well…" he grumbled and exclaimed in pain as he touched his own head, and his hand came away bloody. "Sweetheart…."

"Apologize," Luke instructed again.

After a long silence Darth raised his head and regarded Han and Leia.

"I apologize if my behavior was…inappropriate."

"Inappropriate! Inappropriate!" Leia yelled.

Han winced as he leaned against the wall for support.

"That is what I said, yes." Darth and Leia stared at each other and they began to raise their hands from their sides when Luke stepped in.

"Stop it. This was supposed to be a pleasant dinner. Was it too much to ask for all of you to behave?" Luke scolded them.

Darth bowed his head again and Leia grimaced in distaste but remained quiet.

"Sweetheart," Han croaked, trying to get her attention as he was beginning to slide down the wall. "Little help," he mumbled.

"I don't think this is going to work tonight," Leia said with a great sigh.

"Unfortunately, I think you're right," Luke agreed, unhappy with the way things have turned out.

"Leia," Han said, waving his arm from the floor trying to get her attention.

"Maybe some other time?" He asked, his expression so hopeful that Leia found herself having difficulty saying 'no'.

"I don't know…."

"Please?" Luke turned his best pleading gaze on her and looked into her eyes.

"Luke?"

"Just say yes, you know it is inevitable," Darth rumbled softly.

"I will never answer to you!" she snapped, sparing the Dark Lord a scathing glance.

"What about me?" Luke pleaded. "Please, Leia."

"Kriffin' hell! Fine, Luke we'll do this again." She pursed her lips tightly together as she answered her brother whose face lit up in relief as he gave her a fierce hug.

"Thank you! I knew you wouldn't let me down."

"Sure, she can't say no to him," Han groaned from the floor. "She says no to me more often than I'd like," he continued to mutter to himself. "A little help!" Han demanded at last, and the twins broke up their unplanned hug.

"Han! I'm so sorry!" Leia scrambled to his side and nodded at Luke to help him up.

When they got him on his feet, he sagged against him heavily and they both peered at him anxiously.

"I don't feel so good," he muttered.

"Come on nerfherder, time to get you to the med center."

"Do you need help?" Luke asked, worried about his friend.

"No, as long as we go now I think I can make it there with Leia's help." Han mumbled again.

"We'll be fine," Leia commented as Luke led them to the door.

"Let me know if you need anything," he mumbled studying his friend with anxious eyes.

Leia nodded as she assisted Han out the door and Luke shut it behind them Luke leaned against the door for a moment, gathering his wits about him and then went into his living room and faced his father.

"I suppose you're going to reprimand me?" Darth asked his son in a slightly sad voice.

"Yes, you deserve it. What were you thinking?"

"I merely wished to know Solo's intentions towards the Princess."

"You know what his intentions are! They've been together for a while now. He's a good man."

"If you say so, though I still have my doubts." He rumbled ominously.

"Han's a friend of mine. You need to treat him better."

"I shall consider it, my son." Vadar inclined his head in acknowledgement as Luke sat down at the table.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Luke asked his father.

Darth shook his head. "I do not think so. Instead I will retire for the evening. Goodnight, son," Darth squeezed Luke's shoulder as he disappeared past him into the hallway that led to the guest room.

Luke sat at the table and shook his head in despair looking around the table at the food on the table and the leftover remnants of his dinner part. With a sigh he dished up his plate and began to eat.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The med center had looked at Han and determined that he had a laceration across the back of his head that needed ten stitches, and a mild concussion. All in all things could have been much worse. After sitting for a bit the dizziness had left him and except for the pain he felt more his normal self. He was allowed to return home as long as Leia promised to keep an eye on him.

He smirked as she lie beside him in bed.

"What?" she nudged him.

"Gotcha out of dinner, didn't I?"

Leia laughed. "If that was a plan, it wasn't so brilliant."

"Yeah, but it worked, didn't it?" Han grunted. "C'mere." He pulled her to his side as she snuggled against him. "And who was it that that couldn't say no to Luke?"

"Well…he got that puppy dog look on his face."

"So we have to have a friggin' dinner with Darth again? There has to be some sort of excuse."

"We'll come up with something," she murmured in concern.

"Remind me when it is, I'll buy some body armor before I show up."

Leia hit him and he groaned, and then in a surprise move, he rolled her over, pinning her beneath him.

She gave him a guarded but playful look. "Han, no."

"What was that Princess?"

"No."

"Oh, you said no?" His hazel eyes sparkled in mischief. "Let me change that to a yes."

"Han, no."

He began to nuzzle her neck, and she wiggled against him. He continued his assault, hitting all of the prime spots and she began to moan beneath him.

"Oh, Han. Yes."

"I'm going to make you say 'yes' all night long."

In the end, Leia couldn't argue and she succumbed to his artful ministrations of her body as he played her masterfully. Grinning, he listened to her words as she wriggled against him the rest of the night.

"Yes, Han, yes!"

Maybe the ending to dinner with Darth wasn't so bad after all.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 _AN: Thanks for reading my story and I hope you enjoyed it. I sometimes like to write humor and think that this particular setup has many potential possibilities. I always thought it would be funny if Luke tried to assimilate Darth Vadar into 'normal' society. But since Darth has spent so many years as a Sith Lord, things would, of course, go badly._

 _I can see many possibilities for awkward situations with Darth and I am certainly open to suggestions. Please read and review and let me know what you think of this. Hopefully it will make you smile._


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